Dr. Desiree Jabin has experience helping clients in the following areas:

1. Attitude

2. True Happiness & Life Purpose

3. Success
How do I become a better…

4. Real Life Issues

5. Relationships

6. Confidence & Self-Esteem

7. Intimacy

8. Dating

9. Time Management

10. Your Employer & Business Partners

11. Co-Workers & Difficult People

12. Parents

13. Sibling Rivalry

14. Spirited Children

15. Teenage Power Struggles & Rebellion

16. Re-Marriage Issues

17. Blended and Divorced Family Dynamics

18. Women’s Issues

19. Men’s Issues

20. Couples

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Detailed Examples

1. Attitude

* Everyone tells me I have a negative outlook and that I bring them down.
* How can I be positive when nothing is going the way I want it to?
* I would be a more positive person if I had __________
* It is hard to have a good outlook when everyone else around me is always complaining. The people in my life are always complaining and worrying. Their negativity is washing off on me and making me more pessimistic.
*How can I get the people in my life to quit stressing me out about my life?

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2. True Happiness & Life Purpose

* I don’t think I know how to be happy
* How does one find out what makes them happy in life? What if I am not doing the right thing with my life?
*I don’t even know what it feels like to be happy. I am always so worried about the future.
*I feel like I am always so serious and I want to be more like other people who seem to have everything they want in life. I don’t know how not to be so moody and serious. I am always so sensitive and feel like I am missing out on something.
*I think the terrible childhood I had means I will never be truly happy. I wish I could just overcome all that garbage and move on with my life. I feel stuck.

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3. Success
How do I become a better…

*person
*partner
*spouse
*parent
*grandparent
*family member
*friend

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4. Real Life Issues

*I sometimes feel paralyzed from fear to the point I can’t perform the task at hand.
* I am struggling with spirituality and God and don’t really understand my purpose. I feel like I am missing my true calling. This is especially true when my friends know how to use their talents and I still have not found myself yet.
* This last breakup forced me to confront some things about myself that are really hard to admit. I feel like a total jerk and I am not sure how to change.
* I woke up and realized I am not fulfilling my dreams and I feel like I may have missed all the really good opportunities.
* I don’t know if I should have children now like my husband wants or go to graduate school to become a lawyer like I want.
*My husband and I can’t agree about when to have children. He keeps saying we can’t afford it but we are not getting any younger.
* I don’t love my wife anymore and I am not even sure what makes me happy. I just know I fantasize about running away and doing my life over.
*I hate my husband’s parents and family and I can’t stand the thought of spending the Holidays together.
*My husband’s brother has a criminal record and I don’t trust him around our children. My husband is not concerned and we are fighting about this all the time.
*I am worried about the effects of my drinking and partying but I don’t have as much control over regulating it as I did in college.

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5. Relationships

*My partner wants me to convert to his religion and I just can’t but I don’t want to lose him.
*My girlfriend expects me to pay for everything all the time and has very expensive taste. I really love her and I don’t want to disappoint her but I can no longer keep up with her demands.
*My husband is jealous of the time I spend with my girlfriends. I didn’t expect marriage to him to mean I could no longer have close female relationships. He never indicated it bothered him until after we were married.
*My boyfriend refuses to introduce me to his family. He says he is just trying to protect our relationship from his crazy relatives.
*My girlfriend gets upset when my ex-girlfriend and I hang out or talk on Facebook. Why is she behaving so immaturely?
*Sometimes I feel guilty when my mom expects me to be as available as I was for her when I was a bachelor.
*My wife wants to go to her family’s house for the holidays and my mom wants us to go to my family’s holiday parties. However I can’t accommodate them both. My sister always goes to my mom’s house and spends the holidays with our family so my mom expects me to also. As a result my wife and mother have a strained relationship which doesn’t make life any easier for me since I am caught in the middle.

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6. Confidence & Self-Esteem

*I had early childhood trauma in my family of origin and even though I have achieved a lot as an adult I still feel so insecure and like I am not good enough.
*I am afraid to take risks because I don’t want to fail or be made fun of.
*I always think people close to me are going to hurt me or let me down somehow. I keep losing important relationships and opportunities as a result.
* Sometimes when people close to me make a joke about my appearance I feel like crying. I can’t handle anyone pointing out my flaws. It is the worst feeling in the world to me. I wish I could just take a joke.

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7. Intimacy

*I don’t have the same feelings for my partner that I used to have but I don’t know why. This always seems to happen in every relationship. At first we can’t keep our hands off each other and then after a few months I feel trapped by the relationship.
*I say mean and hurtful things to people who love me because I don’t know how to let them in. I don’t know why my guard is always up or how to lower it.
*How can I be sure that this is the right person for me? Maybe it is but maybe it isn’t. I have felt like this a thousand times and it has never worked out. I hate when I do break up with someone then realize I made a mistake but by the time I tell them they have moved on.
*My boyfriend thinks my mom and I are too close and that it isn’t healthy.

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8. Dating

* I want to break up with my girlfriend but I think she wouldn’t handle it well at all. She makes me feel guilty every time I explain to her I do not see marriage in our future.
* My fiancé is so concerned about all the details of the wedding that I am worried it will be way over budget and cause us to start our marriage in debt. She is literally freaking out and making me crazy. She doesn’t seem to be too financially responsible.
* My boyfriend is over-controlling and it is getting to the point that my parents and close friends are concerned. He tells me what to eat, what to wear and how to act and speak. I am a college graduate and never had problems getting dates before him so I don’t know why he is acting like this.
* I recently broke up with someone I was dating for 5 years. I put so much into that relationship that I just don’t even know who I am now.
*My boyfriend forgot our anniversary. I feel like he takes this relationship for granted. I was foolish enough to think he would propose this year!

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9. Time Management

*I never have enough time for just me. I am so busy doing things for everyone else that I am wiped out emotionally and physically at the end of every day.
*How I can I be at more than one place at one time? Yet, everyone expects me to stop whatever I am doing to help them or be there for them. I just can’t, but I still feel like I am disappointing them and letting them all down. It seems like everyone else can do everything they want and still make time for friends and family, but somehow I can’t.
*How come my girlfriends have time to take Yoga classes and get pedicures while I am stretched so thin I feel like I am going to snap?
*How can I juggle being a mom, a spouse and an employee? There just isn’t enough time in the day to make everyone happy, meet all my obligations, and still find a moment’s time to myself. I feel like I am being pulled in different directions all day long. I am on the verge of losing it!

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10. Your Employer & Business Partners

*My boss singles me out in front of other staffers and I feel ridiculed. My face gets flushed; my eyes sting and I want to burst out in tears. Why is he doing this?
*My boss is a hothead. I am always left apologizing to people he blows up at and I am getting very worn out.
*My boss seems to be flirting with me. I can’t afford to quit but when I tell my husband about some of my boss’s comments he gets really upset.
*My wife is jealous of my co-workers who are all very attractive young women. I can’t quit my job, but I am really tired of the strain my wife’s jealousy is creating both at home and at work. She calls and comes by my office way too frequently.
*My boss has asked me to accompany him on a trip out of state for a few days. My husband is freaking out.
*My wife is accusing me of having an emotional affair with a female colleague. I have no clue what she is talking about but my marriage is suffering as a result.
*My co-workers are posting inappropriate pictures and personal information on their personal Facebook pages. I am worried that this will affect business, sales and our reputation.
*The projects I am assigned at work seem to be more stressful than they should be. I am working around the clock and only being paid for time at work. I am emailing, texting, responding to and leaving voicemail for people to the point where every aspect of my personal life is negatively impacted. My wife and kids say I am a workaholic.

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11. Co-Workers & Difficult People

*My partner is stealing money. I can’t prove it but I suspect it.
*My partner is sabotaging our practice with his poor decisions.
*My secretary is great at what she does when she is doing it, but I catch her doing too much personal stuff on company time. It didn’t bother me until lately when she almost missed important deadlines because of her personal distractions.
*I hate my co-workers and I wonder what the heck I am able to do about it. I dread getting up in the morning knowing I have to be with these people all day every day.
*My clients are very difficult people. I enjoy the money I am making but I am becoming angry and cynical.
*Work is stressing me out to the point I am losing sleep or self-medicating in order to finally fall asleep.
*I think my boss is going to sell the company and he is not telling us the truth. I am worried about the impact this will have on my job security.
*I am an unpaid intern and on the receiving end of more abuse than anyone should have to put up with.

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12. Parents

*My father re-married a gold-digger after my mother died. He is not acting responsibly and I think he may even be getting senile. I am worried about protecting his assets but every time I broach the subject it causes friction in our relationship.
*My mother is very jealous of my wife who is educated and very attractive. My mom didn’t have the opportunity to work on herself when she was my wife’s age for a number of socio-economic and other factors. She seems to resent my wife and she is passive-aggressive to the point of my children being negatively affected. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am forced to choose between my wife and my mom.
*My parents are over-controlling in my life. They give me money to go to college and only have to work part time. However, I am beginning to feel resentful towards them because of their interference into my personal life. They think my boyfriend is not contributing enough to the relationship and are pressuring me to ask him for more help. If I do that I risk a certain autonomy I have within the relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. It feels like I can’t win.
*My parents helped my siblings afford with their weddings and down payments for their homes. Now that the economy changed for the worse they are no longer in a position to help me. I feel resentful towards my parents as well as my siblings. Now, I won’t be able to afford my wedding or get my dream home. It just seems so unfair.

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13. Sibling Rivalry

* As a child I was very close to my sister but we hardly talk anymore. She seems too busy with her own goals in life to spend time with me. I feel lonely and I miss the relationship we used to have.
*I went into business with my brothers. They still treat me like a little kid instead of the grown-up business man I am today. I contributed just as much financially as they did but they often leave me out of crucial decision making talks.
*Now that my mom is a widow and can hardly take care of herself I want to put her in a nursing home. However, none of my siblings are willing to contribute to the cost. One even suggested our mom live with me and my wife should take care of her every day. I think that would place a huge burden on my marriage and be unfair to our children who deserve our attention in life right now.
*My sister and her family are able to visit our aging parents all the time. I can’t do that because I don’t have the same amount of flexibility. I am worried that my parents will think poorly of me or think I am not grateful for all they did for me as a kid.

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14. Spirited Children

*Is it normal that sometimes I don’t like my own children? I slave all day long at work to provide for them and I feel like they don’t appreciate it. They are critical, impatient, sarcastic, and even verbally abusive at times. They accuse me of not loving them which makes me feel worse.
*I am no longer able to discipline my own children. They never do as I ask them to, they argue with me, and sometimes I worry it will even get physical so I back down. My household is out of control.
*I don’t know how to help my high-schooler become less socially awkward. She has no self-confidence and getting her to wake up and go to school is becoming more and more challenging. I know she would like to have more friends and be invited places and asked out, but so far this is not happening for her.
*My child wants to drop out of college to pursue being a musician and artist. I keep telling him that he will end up on food stamps with a minimum wage job. We had such high hopes for him and now it seems like he is letting us down and giving up on himself.
*I went into my child’s Facebook account and found out some very disturbing things about his friends and their activities. How can I explain to my son that I don’t want him to hang around with this group anymore without him finding out I logged on to his account and read his email?
*My daughter wants to quit college and move back home for a year or two to find herself. What is the right thing to do for her and for my marriage? My husband and I were looking forward to being able to travel but now we may have to put that plan on hold.
*My oldest daughter treats me like I am the child and she is the parent. I have no idea why this dynamic is in play between us. Lately everything seems like a power struggle and I get so annoyed with her I end up turning into someone I don’t want to be. Why does parenting a teen have to be so challenging?

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15. Teenage Power Struggles & Rebellion

* Now that my child is a teenager I don’t know how to talk to him. It feels like we are strangers who have nothing in common.
* My teen daughter yells at me and stomps around the house slamming doors when she can’t get her way. I am afraid to say no to her but even more afraid of giving her the freedom she demands.
* My husband and I suspect our teens are using drugs and drinking. We looked through their rooms and found signs that this may be the case. We don’t know if we should confront them and risk angering them because we snooped through their private things

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16. Re-Marriage Issues

* My husband and I both had prior marriages. I recently learned that most re-marriages end in divorce. I am so scared that this could happen to us and the effect it would have on my children who already went through my divorce from their father.
* My wife expects too much from me as a step-father. She wants me to be a disciplinarian with her kids and I am not comfortable with that I never had my own children because I didn’t want these kind of problems in the first place.
* My kids hate my new wife and their mother is constantly throwing this in my face. My new wife is starting to get irritable and our relationship is very fragile right now.
* My new wife’s terrible credit is really affecting our ability to move on from the wreckage of her prior marriage. She had a foreclosure and owes a lot of money to creditors who are now expecting me to pay off the debt she incurred with her ex-husband.

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17. Blended and Divorced Family Dynamics

*Ever since my ex-husband re-married he is no longer available to our children. His new wife has a child and he seems to worry more about pleasing that child than spending time with his own kids. It is like he is being brainwashed by his new wife. The kids and I don’t even recognize him anymore.
*My ex-husband’s new wife is very materialistic, young and a bad role model for my children. She cusses drinks, smokes cigarettes and only cares about herself. She never spends quality time with my kids, never helps them with their homework, and acts like she is jealous when their dad pays attention to them. What can I do?
*My ex-wife is dating a guy that gives me the creeps. I am totally freaked out about my kids being around this guy. However, there seems to be nothing I can do except wait for something terrible to happen.
*My ex-wife’s new husband is a marine and yells at my kids. They are afraid of him and hate going to their mom’s house. As if that isn’t bad enough, my ex-wife may have to move to Japan when he gets stationed there and she wants the kids to go with her. This means I will never see them and it is killing me.
*My ex-husband and his girlfriend are expecting a child. They both act as if my kids are not as good as their child will be. My kids feel unloved and unwelcomed in their home. I hear stories about what happens to children when a parent remarries and has new children with the new partner. I am concerned this is very damaging to them now and that it will only get worse.
*My ex-wife is always telling the kids terrible untruths about me. My kids get annoyed when she and her new husband tell them what a terrible husband I was to her. I was not sober when I was married to their mother but I am now and have been responsible. Her continued abuse towards me is affecting them and my sobriety.
*I divorced my kids’ mother last year and recently began dating. I don’t know how to break it to my kids. I don’t know how to break the news to my kids or to my ex-wife who still hopes we can get back together.
*My new girlfriend keeps pressuring me to meet my kids but I don’t know if it is too soon for that.
*My ex-wife wants to meet my new girlfriend to make sure she is good enough to be around our children. However, I think it is a bad idea but my ex-wife is threatening me about my visitation with the kids unless she gets to meet her. I know my ex-wife will be very jealous and that no one will ever be good enough for me to have around the kids.
*My ex-wife has our kids in so many extra-curricular activiteies that I never get to see the kids unless it as at one of their sporting events. I never get to spend time with them away from my ex-wife as a result of all these activities. I think my relationship with the kids is going to suffer if they only see me under these circumstances. I want to spend time with them at the beach, at the movies and just differently.

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18. Women’s Issues

* Sometimes I feel unloved and unappreciated in my marriage
* My husband doesn’t discipline the children and leaves it up to me. I feel like the bad guy and betrayed which makes it hard for me to love him the way a wife should love her husband.
* My husband doesn’t open up to me the same way he does with the guys. His co-workers and friends seem to know more about him than I do.
* My boyfriend looks at other women and is friends with pretty girls on Facebook, I feel like he could be unfaithful to me.

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19. Men’s Issues

* My wife thinks I can work all day, spend hours with the kids as soon as I get home, help her with chores and still perform in bed like I did when we were dating in college. Should I be able to? Am I just being a wimp?
*I think I am gay. I have no interest in dating women, is there something wrong with me?
*I can’t stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. Did I make a mistake marrying my wife? I know my wife loves me, but I think about my ex to the point of fantasizing about her when I make love to my wife.
*My wife never lost the weight after she had the twins. She is literally 35 pounds overweight after a year of having the boys. I am not attracted to her anymore, but I am afraid to tell her this. I don’t want to end up divorced like my parents.
*I am unable to be faithful to a wonderful woman who loves me dearly. I need help, I don’t want to blow this relationship like I always blow every relationship.
*My father was a drunken tyrant. I don’t want to make the same mistakes as a father. What can I do to feel better about myself so I can be a better father to my boys?
*I am afraid my daughter is growing up too fast. My wife thinks I am being overly-protective, but I am stressed out about losing my little girl someday.
*My daughter married a guy who is lazy and a jerk. Should I step in?
*My daughter is a drug-addict. Lately my wife and I have considered stepping in and getting custody of our grandchildren. The kids have no steady-father figure in their lives other than me, and no female role-model other than my wife.

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20. Couples

*How do we know when the right time to get married is? How do we know this will last? What happens if it doesn’t and we end up like all those other couples who thought their relationship would last forever?
*My girlfriend doesn’t want to have children and I do. I love her but I am ready to be a father. She wants to enjoy her youth for a few more years, but I am 10 years older than she is. I am worried that if I give her too much more time to sow her wild oats that I will be wasting my own time and losing the dreams I have.
*How do you know when it just isn’t working out? This relationship is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. Still, what if we can make it work with just a little help? What is the right thing to do?
*My boyfriend wants to have an open relationship. I think this means he just isn’t ready to commit to me and settle down even though he says he loves me. Why can’t he commit to me? Should I continue waiting around?
*My boyfriend and I are considering moving in together. Our parents are conservative and do not support us making this kind of decision. I don’t know what to do, I think rushing into marriage just to make them happy is the worst of the two options.
*The ring my boyfriend gave me is cute but it is not at all the ring I want. How could he choose a ring for me all by himself and expect me to want to wear it forever. Is it rude to ask him to return it for the ring I want instead?
*I want kids but my boyfriend doesn’t. I think if I stop taking birth control pills and become pregnant he will finally come around. He would be a great husband and father. I think he just needs an extra push. Still, I don’t want him to be mad at me.
*My girlfriend wants breast implants and liposuction. I told her I love her body. Do you think if she gets the surgery she will end up leaving me for some other guy? Is that the real reason behind her desire to get plastic surgery?



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